Being negatively positive

I can’t sleep tonight.

I’ve barely slept the last two weeks.

I guess I have a lot of my mind. There are so many factors right now that could throw my life in different directions. For the better I hope.

If it’s anything that life has taught me, it’s how unpredictable life can be. One moment you live with your mother and want for nothing more then to go outside and play with your friends. The next moment you are thrown into the gaping chaos which is living and surviving.

I’ve always been certain to some degree of my ability as a person, daughter, sister and human being. Lately I’ve been having doubts. I am guessing that it might be because of the last seven years of my life. I’ve been trying to build a foundation on which I could stand on and be recognized for those certain traits that makes me uniquely me. I am sure we all do that at one point or another. I am turning thirty in August. As strange as it might sound, I am actually very content with my age. I feel that I am old enough to perhaps have something to teach this world, but still young enough to enjoy the flaws of my youth.

I still get exited about irrelevant things. So exited that I forget to remain reserved and balanced. You know, “mature”.  Oh, how I envy some woman who can do that. I feel as if I have so much emotions to show and so much enthusiasm to give.

It’s a confusing thought that enthusiasm should be a sign of immaturity and lack of control. It is also amazing how we expect everyone we meet to exceed “our” expectations. We ask those around to be perfect, almost to the point of divinity. Yet, we are flawed ourselves.  I am flawed in many ways then one and so are many other people I know. I’ve always viewed flaws as a personality trait, rather then something undesirable.

We are so quick to judge, to point out delinquencies in others.

Then we walk around asking ourselves why so many people are depressed.

These are however, just my thoughts. I am not depressed and I am certainly not perfect. I’ve noticed that the older I get, the more I focus on flaws as a bad thing. The younger me used to embrace flaws and imperfections in people. It’s what makes them unique, right? It’s what made the youth go against the establishment, it’s how laws were changed and ideas were born. One can argue that being flawed is a part of our unique individuality.

We aim towards the norm, the standards set by our society and most importantly, set by our selves.

As I get closer to 30, I will take with me the young me and inspire the older me. Hopefully I can learn something from me.

I’ll embrace my flaws rather then be stressed out by them and I’ll encourage my fellow man in a good way. No one has ever made another person into a more creative, hopeful and happy human being by pointing out their flaws in a negative way.

Remember that the standards of our society is created by us. We cannot blame anyone but ourselves.


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